Watch Your Focus
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One of the primary ways that people limit their effectiveness is by putting their focus and attention in the wrong place. This is true in many different ways (positive vs. negative, solutions vs. problems, etc.). The distinction that is rarely talked about though, is whether your focus is internal or external. Simply, most people focus internally when they should be external, and focus externally when they should be internal.
As a quick definition, when I say internal focus I mean the idea paying attention to your own thoughts, being caught up with your own inner dialog, and putting pressure on yourself.
External focus is paying attention to others, keeping on open mind, and looking outside of yourself for help.
Having An Internal Focus When It Should Be External:
Most people spend an inordinate amount of time in their own heads. Pay attention to yourself for the next 24 hours. How often are you wrapped up in your own thoughts and inner dialog? This is fine much of the time, but notice how often you do that when you should be outside of your own head. For example, when someone is talking to you do you listen completely, or do you immediately start thinking of other things (your response, why they are wrong, what you need to do later that day, what happened at an earlier meeting)? This is a classic case of having an internal focus when you should be external.
In order to have a relationship (professional or personal), you need to interact with other people. To have a strong relationship, you need to put more of your focus on the other person and pay attention to them.
I would be so bold as to say that 90% of communication problems can be attributed to people focusing internally when they should be external.
Having An External Focus When It Should Be Internal:
On the flip side, most people also tend to think externally when they should think internally.
For example, when something goes wrong, where does your focus go? Do you try to find out who messed up and blame them? Do you look immediately for a new tool, skill, or person to help you? These solutions aren't bad, but you should first turn internally.
Rather than immediately looking outside of yourself, look inward and ask, 'how can I use this?' or, 'what result do I want?' or, 'what can I do?'
This response will serve two purposes. First, it will marshal your resources to start thinking of solutions, instead of dwelling on the problem. Second, it will increase your team cohesion because instead of looking for fault, you will be working with people to solve issues.
By focusing internally, I don't mean blaming yourself. I mean believing that the solution is within you, and looking inside to find the solution.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, upset, or stressed, take a moment and notice whether your focus is internal or external. Then try switching it, and see how that new perspective can help.
Avish Parashar is a dynamic professional speaker who shows organizations and individuals how to get what they want using the Art and Science of improv comedy. He weaves together humorous stories, witty observations, and interactive exercises from improvisational comedy to get people laughing, learning, and motivated! Avish is most commonly called upon to deliver programs on Motivation, Sales, and Communication
For more free articles, downloads, and resources, visit http://www.AvishParashar.com
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