It's Probably Not What You Think
Here’s what I’ve realized after 30+ years of teaching, speaking, and - let’s be honest - procrastinating: My persistent “Yes, but…” isn’t fear of failure. It’s not laziness. It’s not lack of motivation.
It’s boredom. It’s rejection. It’s frustration. It’s awkwardness.
For most of my career, I’ve been saying some version of: “Yes, I want to do the meaningful work… yes, I want momentum… yes, I want to finish the thing… but I don’t want to feel bored. But I don’t want to feel rejected. But I don’t want to feel frustrated. But I don’t want to feel awkward.”
So instead of doing the work that actually matters, I find something else to do. Email. Research. A “quick” scroll (that’s never quick). A new system. A fresh burst of motivation. Setting up a new layout in the ol’ bullet journal…
Hello, dopamine, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.
And every time I reach for the easy thing instead of the important thing, it’s more than the opportunity cost. I'm not just losing time - I'm reinforcing the pattern that keeps me stuck.
I’ve written about procrastination before (I’ve also planned on writing about procrastination many other times but, well, you know…). I’ve talked about distraction, focus, discipline, habits, mindset, grit, systems… all of it.
But as 2026 begins, I’ve realized something uncomfortable: I haven’t actually yielded to what’s true about how I work. I’ve been trying to outwork, outthink, or outmaneuver my brain instead of accepting it and building around it.
Which brings me back to two steps of my YES AND Framework - the ones I teach, the ones I’m writing an entire book about (coming this April!), and the ones I’ve personally resisted the longest.
Step One: Y - Yield to What Is
(Not What You Wish Was True)
Yielding to what is doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean resigning yourself to a flaw, and it definitely doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means telling the truth.
For me, the truth is this: My brain craves novelty. Discomfort shows up as avoidance. Boredom feels physically painful. Rejection (even mild, imagined, or anticipated rejection) shuts me down faster than I’d like to admit.
And when things feel awkward or frustrating, my instinct is to escape, not engage.
I’ve spent decades pretending that if I just found the right productivity hack, the right mindset shift, or the right burst of motivation, those issues would disappear. They haven’t.
So this year, I’m trying something radically different. I’m yielding. To quote Elsa, I’m going to “Let It Go!” - the fantasy version of myself, the one who “should” be able to push through anything with discipline alone - and I’m starting to build toward what can be, instead of fighting what already is.
Step Five: N - Notice and Nurture Emotions
(Instead of Suppressing Them)
The fifth step of the YES AND Framework is “Notice and Nurture Emotions,” and I’ll admit, this is the one I’ve historically been worst at. I’m a Gen Xer. We were taught to suck it up, push through, and get things done regardless of how we feel.
But here’s what I’m finally understanding: The feelings I’ve been avoiding aren’t random obstacles. They’re information. And when I suppress them instead of noticing them, I don’t make them go away, I just make myself numb to everything, including the signals that could actually help me.
Noticing emotions doesn’t mean wallowing in them. It means acknowledging they exist, getting curious about what they’re telling you, and then choosing how to respond (rather than just reacting on autopilot).
This is where the “nurture” part comes in. Instead of treating uncomfortable emotions like enemies to defeat, what if we treated them like data to work with?
My 2026 Theme (Yes, I Picked the “Bad” Words on Purpose)
A lot of people choose a single inspirational word for the year. Excellence. Brilliance. Courage. Abundance. I’ve tried that. You know what happens? Two weeks later the words are forgotten and everything is back to baseline.
My 2023 word was “Breakthrough.” It turned out to be my worst year in years. Ironic? Perhaps. Telling? Absolutely.
This year, I chose four words instead: 𝗕𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗱. 𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱. 𝗙𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱. 𝗔𝘄𝗸𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱.
Not because I want to feel these things, but because I’ve spent most of my life organizing my behavior around avoiding them. And here’s the thing: so have most of the leaders and teams I work with.
Think about what avoidance looks like in organizations:
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺: Leaders chase the next shiny initiative instead of doing the unglamorous work of execution and follow-through. Teams start projects with enthusiasm and abandon them when the exciting part is over.
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: People don’t pitch the bold idea in the meeting. They don’t follow up with the prospect. They don’t ask for the promotion, the feedback, or the sale. Organizations miss opportunities because individuals are protecting themselves from hearing a “no.”
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: When implementation gets hard, teams pivot prematurely. “This isn’t working” often really means “this is uncomfortable.” Leaders abandon strategies before they’ve had time to actually work.
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘄𝗸𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀: Hard conversations don’t happen. Feedback gets softened into uselessness. Conflicts simmer instead of getting resolved. Teams stay polite and stuck.
The pattern is painfully consistent, whether you’re looking at your own behavior or your organization’s culture.
And the insight that’s landing for me right now is this: these feelings aren’t obstacles on the path, they ARE the path. They’re the tollbooths you pass through to do meaningful work, build real relationships, create something worthwhile, or lead transformational change.
Avoid the toll, and you never get where you’re going.
A Timely Nudge from a Podcast Conversation
This realization hit even harder after a recent podcast conversation I had with my longtime friend and fellow speaker, Kirstin Carey. We talked about curiosity, sales, leadership, nervous systems, and something that really stuck with me: if you suppress the emotions you don’t like, you don’t just turn those off - you numb everything.
Kirstin talked about how so many of us were taught to override what our bodies and emotions are telling us. That strategy works…until it doesn’t. And in leadership, it often shows up as the inability to connect, to be present, or to actually hear what your team is telling you.
One practical tool she shared was something she calls “vomit journaling” (love that visual…), which is essentially clearing mental and emotional noise without judgment, then sitting just long enough with the discomfort for something real to surface. Not a hack. Not a shortcut. Just presence.
She also mentioned curiosity as the antidote to avoidance, whether in sales conversations, leadership moments, or with ourselves. Instead of escaping the feeling, ask: What’s actually happening here? What am I avoiding? What might be trying to get my attention?
That framing helped bring something into focus for me both personally and in how I think about the leaders and organizations I work with. It’s the “Notice and Nurture” step in action.
A Simple Practice: Saying “Yes, And” to the Feeling You Want to Escape
So I built a practice around it. Here’s what I’m experimenting with this year — simple, uncomfortable, and very on-brand for me:
𝟭. 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗬𝗲𝘀, 𝗕𝘂𝘁
“Yes, I want to do this… but this feels boring / awkward / frustrating.”
𝟮. 𝗬𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝘁 (𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻)
“Of course it does. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong. What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
𝟯. 𝗔𝗱𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱
“And I’m going to stay with it for five more minutes.”
That’s it. Not heroic. Not dramatic. Not Instagram-worthy. But honest.
And here’s the surprising thing: When I stop trying to get rid of the feeling and instead let it exist, when I notice and nurture it instead of suppressing it, it often loosens its grip. Not always, but often enough to matter.
For leaders, this same practice can transform how you show up. The next time you’re avoiding a difficult conversation, a strategic decision, or a piece of feedback you need to give, try naming what you’re actually feeling. Yield to the fact that it’s uncomfortable. Get curious about what the emotion is telling you. And then do it anyway. Not because you’ve conquered the feeling, but because you’ve stopped letting it run the show.
For your team, this might look like:
- Naming the discomfort out loud in meetings: “This feels hard. That's probably a sign we're doing something that matters.”
- Normalizing frustration as part of implementation, not a sign to pivot.
- Asking “What are we avoiding?” as a regular check-in question.
Why This Matters for Leaders and Organizations
If you're a leader navigating change (and let's be honest, who isn't right now?) I don't think your biggest challenge is resistance. I think it's avoidance.
And here's the thing about avoidance: It doesn't always look like pushback. Sometimes it looks like apathy. The quiet disengagement. The "sure, whatever you say" compliance that comes with zero buy-in. The team that nods in the meeting and then does absolutely nothing differently afterward. (You know the nod. It’s the “'I'm definitely listening and not thinking about lunch” nod. You’ve seen it. And admit it - you’ve probably done it too, right?)
Resistance is actually easier to work with. When someone pushes back, at least they're engaged. They care enough to argue. Apathy? That's what happens when people have been avoiding discomfort for so long that they've numbed out entirely. They're not fighting the change, they've just checked out.
Your team isn't just resisting the new initiative. They're avoiding the discomfort that comes with learning something new, potentially failing publicly, or having their competence questioned. You're not just procrastinating on that difficult conversation. You're avoiding the awkwardness of conflict or the possibility of damaging a relationship.
And every time we avoid the feeling (individually or collectively) we reinforce the "yes, but…" that keeps us stuck. Do it long enough, and you don't get resistance anymore. You get apathy. You get a culture where nobody pushes back because nobody cares enough to.
The leaders who thrive in change aren't the ones who feel no discomfort. They're the ones who've learned to move forward while feeling it. They've learned to say "Yes, And" to the part of the process that everyone else is dodging. And they've learned to notice when their teams are slipping from resistance into apathy - and how to re-engage them before it's too late.
This year, I'm choosing to do the same. Not because it's fun (I'm anticipating it being a bit terrible, actually). But because it's honest. And because it's the only way forward.
What feeling have you been saying "Yes, but…" to — and what might change if you stopped running from it?
If this resonates, listen to my conversation with Kirstin Carey - we go much deeper on curiosity, avoidance, and why the emotions you're suppressing might be exactly what you need to pay attention to. The episode drops next week but you can subscribe to the podcast to get it as soon as it's available here: https://avishparashar.com/podcast/
And if you want to be among the first to read my new book on the YES AND Framework, let me know. I'm building a Launch Team now and would love to have you on it. Get in touch with me and I will add you to the list and you will get a digital advanced reader copy.
Here's to a year of less avoidance… and more yielding, noticing, nurturing, and becoming.