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After a year of podcast interviews and conversations researching my book, I can sum up the most powerful leadership tool in two words (that aren’t “yes, and”):
Shut. Up.
Sound harsh? Sorry.
Nah, not really. Because this is a universal message I kept hearing over and over. Every leader who successfully led change, got buy-in, navigated reorgs, or rolled out new tech without mutiny had this in common: They listened more than they talked.
I can add two more words: And listen.
Shut up and listen. That's it. That's the revolutionary management strategy that'll cost you $50K from a big five consulting firm.
The “Brilliant” Boss Who Couldn't Listen
I learned this the hard way at a small company where the owner, who was very good at his way of doing things, would constantly tell me what to do and how to do it, even though he had no actual idea how to do the technical work I was doing.
He was extroverted. I was analytical.
He was confident. I was systematic.
He owned the company. I owned the actual knowledge of how to do the job.
Guess whose approach won?
Every day felt like performing brain surgery while someone who had watched Grey's Anatomy kept grabbing the scalpel. And not even the good early episodes…
The result? I quit. He lost an employee who could've been great if he'd just asked one question: "What do you need to succeed?"
But that would've required him to shut up long enough to hear the answer.
Why Leaders Can't Stop Talking (And Why It's Killing Your Team)
What is weird and unfortunate about leadership is that somewhere along the way, we got trained that saying "I don't know" means we're weak.
Nope.
You know what's weak? Pretending you understand frontline realities when you haven't done that job in a decade (or ever).
You know what's strong? Admitting what you don't know and then actually figuring it out.
But we can't do that because:
1. We're terrified of silence
Try meditating for five minutes. Just sit there. No phone. No podcast. Just you and your thoughts. It's torture, right? It usually takes me about 37 seconds before I start mentally planning which Hallmark Christmas movie to watch next. (Yes, I have a weakness. Don’t judge; we're all broken in our own way, people.)
We've become so used to overstimulation that silence feels like drowning. So asking a question and then sitting in silence, waiting for the answer? Also torture.
2. We think expertise means having ANY answer
Boldly stating the wrong answer doesn't make you look smart. It makes your team stop sharing intelligence because "what's the point?"
3. We're scared of what we'll hear
What if they raise problems we can't solve? What if they tell us our brilliant initiative is actually making their jobs harder?
Here's the thing: Those problems exist whether you ask or not. You're just choosing to be surprised by them later. In public. During the quarterly review. Fun!
The Woman Who Broke My Heart (And Opened My Eyes)
During a training session I was leading, a woman pulled me aside at break.
"Love your content," she said. "I'll use it at home. But work? Pointless."
I was intrigued. "Why?"
"Documents that need my boss's signature sit on his desk for weeks. I literally cannot do my job until he signs. When I suggest a digital signature process? Nothing. He has no clue how his procrastination cascades through our entire department."
Her boss wasn't evil. He just never asked: "What's stopping you from doing your best work?"
Because asking that question would require admitting he didn't have all the answers.
(I'm betting half of you just realized YOU'RE that boss. The other half are forwarding this to their boss; you know, “for a friend.”)
The Chili's CEO Who Saved a Chain by Listening
When Kevin Hochman became CEO of Chili's, the chain was struggling. His revolutionary strategy?
He went into restaurants and asked servers: "What would make your job easier?"
Then—brace yourself for this innovative management technique—he shut up and listened.
No defending corporate decisions. No explaining the five-year plan. No "yes, but you don't understand our EBITDA targets."
Just. Listened.
From RestaurantBusinessOnline.com:
“But the company also focused on the condition of its restaurants. Hochman visited 20 markets his first year on the job, listening to employees and taking stock of the way the business was operated. These days, he does about 15 visits a year. On the second day of each visit is a listening session featuring about 15 to 20 local area managers, who bring him complaints and suggestions.”
The frontline feedback led to menu changes and operational shifts. Chili's outperformed the industry while competitors kept having meetings about meetings about why sales were down.
The YES AND Framework Step That Addresses This
I’ve taught and performed improv for over 30 years and for over 20 I’ve taught organizations and groups how to use improv to respond to change, be more creative, and communicate more effectively. For my new book, I’ve developed the YES AND Framework. Everyone focuses on "Yes, And" for agreement. But there's more:
- Yield to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Build Towards What Can Be
- Explore and Express Your Core
- Start Small, Take Small Steps
- Access and Apply Your Creative Genius
- Notice and Nurture Emotions
- Dig Deeper
That last one, Dig Deeper, is in many ways just fancy talk for "shut up and listen."
Most managers think they're digging deeper when they ask, "How's everything?"
That's not digging. That's the conversational equivalent of liking someone's LinkedIn post without even reading it.
Really digging deeper looks like...
"Walk me through exactly what happens when a customer complains."
(Then shut up.)
"What's the one thing that would make the biggest difference?"
(Then shut up.)
"What am I not seeing about your daily reality?"
(Then shut up.)
"What are you working around that we should be fixing?"
(Then—you guessed it—shut up.)
The Pebbles and Ponds Theory (Or Why Bad Ideas Lead to Brilliance)
Here's my creativity model: Ideas are pebbles thrown into the pond of your mind. The ripples they create matter more than the pebble itself.
Your frontline worker's "bad" idea might be the pebble that creates the ripple that becomes your breakthrough.
But you'll never see those ripples if you're too busy talking to let them throw their pebbles.
I once had a client discover—through a simple pre-event survey I sent their team—that many of their productivity issues came from problems leadership didn't know existed.
They'd been solving imaginary problems while real ones festered. Why? Nobody asked. Nobody shut up long enough to listen.
(Want to learn more about the Pebble and Pond theory and how you can access your own creative genius? You can access my free webinar on this topic right here.
The Truth Behind Change Resistance
Your people aren't resisting change. They're resisting being changed without input.
Every time you roll out an initiative without asking for their reality check, you teach them their intelligence doesn't matter.
Every time you say "trust the process" instead of "help me understand your concerns," you teach them their experience is worthless.
Then you wonder why they're "disengaged?"
They're not disengaged. They've just learned that engaging is pointless because you're going to talk over them anyway.
The Choice That Defines Your Leadership
You have two options:
Option 1: Keep Talking
Keep explaining. Keep defending. Keep having meetings where you solve problems that don't exist while real problems metastasize. Keep wondering why your team seems "checked out."
Option 2: Shut Up
Ask real questions. Listen to real answers. Discover real problems. Co-create real solutions. Build real engagement.
One creates compliance through exhaustion.
One unlocks brilliance through connection.
I know which one I'd choose. But then again, I learned the hard way when I quit that job.
The question is: Will you learn from my mistake, or do you need to lose your best people first?
Your Homework (If You Can Handle It)
Tomorrow, pick one process that's not working. Don't analyze it. Don't brainstorm solutions. Don't call a meeting.
Find someone who actually does the work and ask: "What am I missing about this?"
Then—here's the tough part—shut up.
Don't explain why it is the way it is.
Don't share what you tried in 2019.
Don't mention budget constraints.
Don't do that thing where you nod while mentally preparing your rebuttal. They can tell. We can always tell.
Just. Shut. Up. And. Listen.
Take notes. Say "tell me more." Ask "what else?"
If you feel the overwhelming urge to talk, here's what you say: "Thank you. This is helpful. What else should I know?"
That's it. That's the advanced leadership technique.
The Payoff Nobody Tells You About
When you actually shut up and listen, three things happen:
1. You get smarter (turns out, your frontline knows things)
2. Your team gets stronger (turns out, being heard is motivating)
3. Your results get better (turns out, solving real problems works)
But here's the hidden payoff: You'll sleep better.
Because instead of lying awake wondering why your initiatives keep failing, you'll know exactly what needs to be fixed. And better yet, you'll have a team of people who actually want to help you fix it.
All because you mastered the most advanced leadership technique in the world:
Shutting up.
Ready to transform your organization by doing less talking and more listening? Grab a spot on my calendar to explore how the YES AND Framework can help you and your managers master the art of strategically shutting up. Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.