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Your Team Isn't Fine. They're Just Quiet About it.
No one's complaining. Work is getting done. Engagement scores don't look terrible.
And yet… energy is flat. Initiative is down. People are doing "enough," but not leaning in.
That's what makes this moment so dangerous—disengagement today is rarely loud. It's polite. It's quiet. And because of that, it gets missed.
Why Your Engagement Metrics Are Lying To You
Part of the challenge is that the tools we rely on to measure engagement don't always tell the truth.
Even when surveys are anonymous, many employees don't believe they really are. I've heard people say, "There's always a way for the company to know." So they soften their answers. Or they say things are fine just to avoid follow-up conversations that feel pointless or time-consuming.
And honestly? If you've ever been worn down by repeated initiatives or constant check-ins, you know it's tempting to just say, "Yeah, things are better," so people stop asking.
So leaders get a false signal: No complaints = no problems.
But silence doesn't always mean satisfaction.
Apathy: The Silent Killer
This is why I spend so much time talking about apathy — and why it became such a central theme in my book. Here's an excerpt that captures it better than any statistic:
𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 "𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺" 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺. 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺? 𝘈𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘈𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 — 𝘪𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘮, 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
𝘐 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘔𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨: "𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘣, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰."
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘺. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥.
This is why apathy is so dangerous. When someone is resistant or hostile, at least you see it coming. You can prepare. You can respond. When someone quietly disengages, you're blindsided — often when they turn in their notice and you thought everything was "fine."
Want to Be Part of My Book Launch?
If this resonates, I'm building my launch team now. You'll get a free digital copy in late March, access to a bonus training, and a few other extras. All I ask is that you read it and write a short, honest review.
Contact me and let me know, and I'll send you the details.
How Change Fuels Disengagement (Even When it's Necessary)
Change itself isn't the villain — but it is exhausting.
Even positive, logical change creates emotional uncertainty, new habits to learn, and extra cognitive load. When change is constant, people protect themselves. And one of the easiest forms of self-protection is emotional withdrawal.
Instead of pushing back (which takes energy), people disengage. They do their work, go home, and save their energy for the rest of their lives.
Poorly led change makes this worse. Add unclear communication, missing resources, or leaders who don't take time to really listen, and disengagement becomes almost inevitable.
The Mistake Leaders Make About Disengagement
Here's the misinterpretation I see all the time: Leaders assume disengagement is happiness, or at least "good enough."
So they respond with surface-level fixes — pizza parties, happy hours, team-building activities.
Those things aren't bad. But they don't address the real issue.
Engagement isn't about being cheerful. It's about feeling heard, safe, and connected to meaningful work.
Disengagement isn't a work ethic problem. These are often the same people who worked incredibly hard when they were engaged. It's not laziness — it's disconnection.
Why "Yes, And" Works Where Pushing Harder Doesn't (And What to Do This Week)
When people are apathetic, broad motivational pushes don't work—because apathy isn't uniform. Ten disengaged employees may be disengaged for ten different reasons.
"Yes, And" shifts leaders from pushing harder, explaining more, and motivating louder… to listening better, responding individually, and meeting people where they actually are.
Here's how to put that into practice:
1. Yield to What Is
Acknowledge disengagement honestly instead of explaining it away or taking it as a personal indictment.
Try this: In your next one-on-one, resist the urge to solve or reassure. Instead, say: "I've noticed energy seems a bit lower lately — not just with you, but across the team. I'm not here to fix anything right now. I just want to understand what's actually going on." Then stop talking. Let the silence do the work.
2. Notice and Nurture Emotion
Apathy is an emotional state. You can't solve emotional problems with logic alone.
Try this: When someone gives you a flat "I'm fine," don't accept it at face value. Follow up with: "If things were better than fine, what would be different?" or "What's one thing that used to energize you here that doesn't anymore?" You're not digging for complaints — you're signaling that it's safe to be honest.
3. Start Small
Don't launch a new initiative. Start with a single conversation.
Try this: Pick one person on your team who seems checked out. Not your most vocal critic — the quiet one who used to contribute more. Ask them to coffee or a 15-minute walk. No agenda. Just: "I value your perspective and I want to hear how things are really going for you." Then listen. Don't defend. Don't problem-solve. Just listen.
4. Dig Deeper to Ask the Question Most Leaders Avoid
"What would help you feel more engaged?" feels risky because you might hear something you can't fix. Ask it anyway.
Try this: End your next team meeting with: "I'm genuinely curious, what's one thing that would make your work here feel more meaningful?" You can do this anonymously (sticky notes, a shared doc) or out loud if trust is high enough. Either way, you'll learn more in five minutes than any engagement survey will tell you.
Re-engagement doesn't begin with a program. It begins with a conversation — and continues with visible action.
The Opportunity Most Leaders Miss
The biggest mistake leaders make with disengagement is trying to solve it themselves from on high.
Here's the thing though: the people experiencing the problem often have the best insight into the solution.
Asking, "What would help you feel more engaged?" does two things at once: it gives leaders better information, and it gives employees agency. Which is the fastest way out of apathy.
That's how disengagement turns into ownership.
Why This Matters to Me
Apathy isn't just an organizational problem, it's a life problem.
Left unchecked, it turns days into routines, weeks into survival mode, and years into quiet regret. And I don't want that for leaders or for the people they lead.
That's why my upcoming book isn't about tolerating change. It's about using change to unlock brilliance — and transforming apathy into excitement.
If you're leading through change (or feeling worn down by it) this book was written for you. Get in touch with me to join the launch team and get a free digital advanced reader copy.
And if you would like help moving your team, organization, or yourself from apathy to excitement, please contact me now - I would love to help!