Image credit: Iqoncept
I'm delivering a keynote this week where I talk about a small but incredibly powerful distinction.
The difference between understanding change and accepting it.
I'll be honest with you: I understood COVID perfectly. I knew in-person events were gone. I knew organizations were scrambling. I knew (intellectually) that every company on the planet was being forced to adapt and that I was sitting on exactly the expertise they needed.
I understood all of it. And I did…
Nothing.
Here's a passage from my book that captures what that actually looked like from the inside:
In 2020, I blew a huge opportunity.
As we all know, COVID-19 shut down in-person events (and in-person anything). At that time, my speaking business was 100 percent in person. Moreover, as a speaker who weaves improv comedy into my programs, the whole "in-person" thing was extremely important.
To say that my business was "impacted" by all those in-person meetings going away would be a gross understatement. I went from speaking three to four times per month to . . . Well, zero times per month seems about right.
But here's the thing: My business should have exploded at that moment.
My whole business was focused on change, on being adaptable, on responding to "ding" moments. Every organization on the planet was going through the same change and being forced to adapt. They needed me more than ever.
I also had a unique approach where I was able to bring humor, energy, and even interaction to virtual programs. This was a rare benefit at a time when everyone was becoming brain-dead from endless Zoom meetings and on-screen-only work.
So what happened?
Nothing. I didn't do any of that.
My first, and for a long time only, thought was, "How can I keep doing what I have been doing even though everything has changed?"
I didn't reach out with the message of saying, "Yes, And" to change. Not to past clients. Not to current prospects. Not to new leads. I didn't create regular content on adapting to the change we were all dealing with. I didn't host free webinars or my own Zoom meetings where I connected with people and helped them through that difficult time. Instead, I mostly kept on doing the same things I had been doing — reaching out to see if people were still planning on holding a conference (hint: they weren't), soft following up with old leads to see if they needed a speaker (hint: they didn't), and mostly just hoping things would "get back to normal soon" (hint: they didn't).
As a result, my business tanked.
At a time I should have been pivoting my message and marketing method, I didn't. I just tried to keep on keeping on.
I didn't accept my current reality.
Read that back. I understood everything. The pandemic was real. The opportunity was real. My head processed all of it correctly.
But I never accepted it. There's a difference.
Understanding is cognitive. "I know this is happening."
Acceptance is the thing that actually changes your behavior. "I'm going to operate as if this is my new reality. Right now, not when things go back to normal."
I was waiting for normal. Normal wasn't coming. And while I was waiting, I watched the window close.
I had a great conversation about this on a recent episode of my podcast with Terrence Ryan, a Developer Advocate at Google Cloud who's navigated 14 reorganizations and 7 managers in just 2 years. (Yes, you read that right. Fourteen. In two years.)
Terry talks about something he calls radical acceptance, and his opinion that people don't struggle as much with change itself as they do with being blindsided by it. The ones who handle change best aren't the ones who love it or feel great about it. They're the ones who stop fighting the reality of it.
You can listen to the full conversation here. We also get into AI, improv, office politics, and what Terry calls "power tools, not robots." Definitely worth your time.
So what does this mean for you if you're leading a team through change right now?
Here are three things you can use immediately.
1. Separate the map from the territory.
Your team can understand the PowerPoint version of the change perfectly. They can pass the quiz. That doesn't mean they've accepted it. Pay attention to behavior, not comprehension. If people are still behaving as if the change hasn't happened, they haven't accepted it yet. That's what needs addressing. And you can't logic your way through it.
2. Say the quiet part out loud.
One of the most underrated moves a leader can make during change is to name what people are actually feeling. "I know this isn't what anyone wanted." "I get that this feels like a lot on top of an already heavy load." Not because it fixes anything (it doesn't). But because people who feel seen are significantly more likely to take the next step than people who feel managed. Validation isn't softness. It's a precondition for movement.
3. Stop rewarding "understand" and start rewarding "act."
In my COVID story, I understood everything and changed nothing. Your team will do the same thing unless you shift what you're recognizing. Don't celebrate someone who can articulate the new strategy well. Celebrate someone who tried something in the new direction, even if it didn't work. The first small actions, even imperfect ones, are evidence of acceptance. That's what you want to multiply.
The reason this matters - and the reason I talk about it in my keynotes - is that most organizations focus almost entirely on explaining change. Better decks. Clearer messaging. More town halls.
All of that is useful. None of it produces acceptance.
Acceptance happens through experience, not explanation. It happens when people take small steps and find out they didn't die. It happens when someone laughs in the middle of something hard and realizes it's going to be okay. It happens when a leader is honest enough to say, "I don't love this either, and here's what I'm doing with that."
It doesn't happen from a slide.
In 2020, no one handed me a slide that explained COVID. I understood it on day one. What I needed (and didn't have) was someone to help me accept it and move.
That's the work.
Hi, I’m Avish and I help leaders turn resistance, hesitation, and “going through the motions” into initiative, excitement, and possibility during times of change. If your organization is going through a major change and you’d like people to harness, rather than survive it, contact me now…